my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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