The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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