You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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