Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
