toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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