i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
