I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
