I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
