I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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