he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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