So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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