Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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