I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
