Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He did a backflip because drugs
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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