I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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