so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
