U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you mean i was at the winter classic?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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