He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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