this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
