She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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