so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I can't turn off my feet"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
