Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
