Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
