with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
