please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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