My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
