you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Oh god it's open bar.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
