I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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