If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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