I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
