someone threw a dead crab at me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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