Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
