found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think my moral compass just broke
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