You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
