JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I looked at my own cervix.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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