Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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