He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize