Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
