another moral hangover. fuck.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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