dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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