I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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