Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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