So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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