Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
