Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
