Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
