she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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