Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
