I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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