So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize