the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
