it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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