I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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