i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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