I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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