don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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