I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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