Swine flu. Run for my life!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
