She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's shark week go big or go home
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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