So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
