Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
