So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
