batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
