He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
