I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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