Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
