so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
