if you like me you must not know who I am
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
