I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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