I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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