i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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