i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
