So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
