apparently the secret to your success is patron
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
