i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
