Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
