Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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