wanna go halves on a baby?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
