Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
