I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Thank you for not boning my boss.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
