its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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