apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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