It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dick very happy bro
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I need mimosas to revive my soul
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
