New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
