I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
