Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
