He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
