Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
