LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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