If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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