Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
