his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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